The siphoning of self into the streams of multiple and parallel existences is a conclusive, non-allegorical theory-to-practice ritual of the mind. This convergence creates and procreates unending possibilities – turning a grain of sand into Milky Way, putting war and peace together, making freedom tyrannical, singing Backstreet Boys after Bob Dylan after Velvet Underground after Nat King Cole, passion evolving into schizophrenia, dreams to hell… love, love, love.
Self is therefore a summation of otherselves.
There is a huge difference between the self who occupies the body and that self who lurks in the exchange of complex binary numbers that are used to build images as its flesh and bones. Sometimes, self tends to envy that self squeezed into the dark passages of metallic rods because that self is more aggressive than the self.
That self is truer than the summed up self.
That self is capable of kissing someone goodnight; or, perhaps, something wilder than a kiss. That self is brave enough to cry and laugh his ass off. That self can die infinitely; so, it also goes that he can live again and again forever. That self can be multi-billionaire and can book a travel to the moon. That self can have a heart of his own and can take it out when he’s tired of loving and hating and proving he’s worth. That self can be god.
Even if he’s just a member of otherselves, that self is more powerful than the self.
Self, the tangible self, the summed up self, is weaker. Self can only sing sad songs like that of Coldplay and Radiohead. He is very contained and claustrophobic and autistic and suicidal. Self is pathetic to death. Once he dies, it’s the end of him. No dot dot dot. Self can only scramble eggs and juggle two balls and he still finds them extremely exhausting. At night, he is blind and naughty. Self is vulnerable even if there’s no apparent reason. He’s highly susceptible to manipulation. The absence of truth drives him crazy. He’s a failure in all corners of the world. Angels have no mercy.
The perceived strength and boldness of self is a sophisticated reactionary device concealing the struggling core.
It is done.
June 9, 2009